You • I just spent a lot of time walking someone through something over an issue they had, that wasn't an issue - that i repeated since yesterday my immediate response was the solution everything but trying the solution today when they tried the solution, they didnt understand how it worked, when i kept repeating why it worked. I am struggling to gain trust of my colleagues, it feels like they don't want to listen or if they do not give credit when done, when there isn't a problem Thomas Kopczynski • interesting what was the rationale for them not listening? You • non existent story my career so far Thomas Kopczynski • have u talked to kulveer about it? You • yeah ppl dont like i butt heads like today in standup the person that wasnt listening stated this as an issue and dropped my name for something thats not true Thomas Kopczynski • cause i can set up time w him and be like what is up You • i immediately corrected them haha i think i need a new team where i can flourish its really demotivating and unproductive Thomas Kopczynski • yea i hear u are u professional in your communication with them? is the butting heads done in a good way? You • im objective its just ppl dont like when they are wrong Thomas Kopczynski • objective in a nice way? You • and when they are proven wrong (not trying to prove them wrong) they cover their eyes with their hands like ok idk how its working now or how that happened Thomas Kopczynski • yea i get that You • objective in a nice way in the beginning like its an everyday thing Thomas Kopczynski • ok You • my babysitter got the best of me ngl Thomas Kopczynski • yea so You • everyday walkthrough Thomas Kopczynski • thats gonna be a prob haha have u heard the expression 'you get more flies with honey than vinegar'?? You • no but i see you're saying to be sweet radical candor Thomas Kopczynski • not necessarily You • i can be honest but how i say it is what matters? like its more receptible Thomas Kopczynski • u can have radical candor but in a way that won't shun ppl You • i see Thomas Kopczynski • if ppl feel like u r making them small or less than, they will respond negatively but if u change it up, they may be more receptive or respond more positively You • thats very true unless they have a growth mindset Thomas Kopczynski • there will always be assholes but always assume the best in everyone You • if im around ppl that know 10x than me and they call me out like haters im like bet show me what im missing Thomas Kopczynski • and that everyone has the best intention and is coming from a good place You • i assume positive intent always Thomas Kopczynski • 95% of ppl just want to get their shit done, they dont want to clash You • yeah exactly Thomas Kopczynski • but its human nature to get defensive You • i dont assume any malice Thomas Kopczynski • so just keep it in mind You • i just think its very unproductive like im not trying to give others the burden of proof but like prove me wrong first before wasting time talking in circles because i have a good track record Thomas Kopczynski • so that is a convo around HOW you reach a consensus You • so if someone asks me whats 1+1 and i immediately tell them 2 Thomas Kopczynski • tell them up front, 'this is what I believe the issue to be, this is why. i have 100% confidence' if they want to go chase their tails, then let them. u said your peace in it also document the hell out of it You • and they talk about how 2+2 equals 5 and i have to now sit here and explain why thats not true Thomas Kopczynski • cause then u can poliutely say, 'per my note 2 days ago, yes You • and then ultimately go back to the point 1+1 =2 thats so true i need to set boundaries Thomas Kopczynski • let them do it all that time they spend doing the math, u can use doing other stuff You • i had no boundaries these past few months wasting time Thomas Kopczynski • just remove yourself from it so they waste their time but u dont waste yours You • omg i did exactly that Thomas Kopczynski • business is all about relationships tho, and like it or not, being well-liked is always gonna work to your advantage You • "forward from now, i will defer you to look at my previous messages within this conversation since we are going in circles saying the same things " wrote this in the morning Thomas Kopczynski • u can soften that language 🙂 You • it seems this is what i'm missing in my communication Thomas Kopczynski • its not bad, but yea it could be misinterpreted like id save that for ppl not in my immediate team also keep in mind the written word carries more ambiguity and room for ppl to assign their own tone to your messages You • i would've said it the same way verbally ngl with their interpreted tone and all, without context collapse because that's how i feel after talking in circles like thomas when i was 13 i was running a massive project and i had to verbally communicate w ppl like staff and stuff and pretend i wasnt 13 but i had a high pitched voice so i would say i dont have a mic because i knew it would hurt my impression management for my role performance i feel the same way here "Daiyaan Ijaz 10:14 AM i feel like i'm not being heard by you 10:14 because i keep saying, in writing, why this is the case 10:14 it makes me feel like you don't trust my information" Thomas Kopczynski • thats good what was the response? You • another excuse no growth without accountability so this cycle wont end here lol Thomas Kopczynski • excuse or their perspective? You • its an excuse straight up avoiding accountability Thomas Kopczynski • hmmm tough to understand without knowing full context You • id show you Thomas Kopczynski • but if youre saying those things, that is being open and vulnerable You • because youd definitely see my pain but idk not pain thats dramatic but i dont wanna bombard you with screenshots yk Thomas Kopczynski • i dont know how someone could disregard You • remember when i said cover eyes with hands and act blind to truth excuse not accountability i let kulveer know that i'm moving to my next rotation after this one is over told him what i plan to hand off documentation, thorough legible stuff for onboarding Thomas Kopczynski • what did he say You • i messaged an hour ago tba when i tell you Thomas Kopczynski • dude u got 7 more months You • oh nooo i got 7 more months??? Thomas Kopczynski • lol You • yeah youre right i jumped the gun Thomas Kopczynski • i mean rotation fair is in oct You • fair Thomas Kopczynski • so not sure how he will respond to that he gonna know u r not happy You • well at least he knows hes known Thomas Kopczynski • and reacting You • everyone knows lol Thomas Kopczynski • lol You • ppl tryna knock down my credibility its like im bullied in this team because im vocal for good reasons like i really feel like the 13 year old me not using a mic to protect my impression management so theyll take me serious acting like im not 13 but this time around i cant hide around not having a mic i think its just wrong team for me my boss 4 years ago, he did it so right like he really made a good environment that was conducive to how i worked Thomas Kopczynski • well that is a fair thing, diff teams operate differently diff bosses are different ive had good, bad and neutral You • there were less cooks in the kitchen that messed with the recipe ! Thomas Kopczynski • been fired just cause someone didnt like me i always know im excellent at what i do sometimes that just doesnt matter You • i dont think its the boss or anything i think its my impression management for my role performance im not saying that as a buzz word Thomas Kopczynski • ??? You • yeah so like if im not taking seriously and i have to fight tooth and nail to be heard its because of how i'm perceived moreso than the content of information there is a lack of incentive to distill what i'm saying when i'm not taken seriously opposed to the latter latter being taken seriously Thomas Kopczynski • perhaps? You • i think so i've experienced it for months Thomas Kopczynski • but if youre consistently right, then why wouldnt ppl take notice? You • because i prove em wrong they dont like a 22 year old coming in undermining their work or logic Thomas Kopczynski • ok You • so its all emotional from what i see Thomas Kopczynski • so let me stop you there that very well could be the case but that is also your perception there could be more to it, u know? You • right but my perception is built from my experience 🙂 Thomas Kopczynski • yes, that is fair You • honestly im ngl Thomas Kopczynski • but sometimes we jade ourselves You • i played politics all my life Thomas Kopczynski • can u agree w that? You • yes i concur with that Thomas Kopczynski • and, with all do respect, you are so young. i know you have great experience, you seem very intelligent. but you have a ways to go in terms of career experience. stuff just happens over time, you learn more You • enterprise experience* Thomas Kopczynski • sure ppl experience in large org but in 10 years u will look back and reflect on how much u have evolved You • thats a given Thomas Kopczynski • lol You • i appreciate it i'm trying to be realistic Thomas Kopczynski • i think thats a good way to be/look at things You • but i'm very intuitive and I can read situations or so i think and so my deduction is based on reasoning and occurances patterns after spending time interacting and getting to know my team like can i share my screen so the context doesn't collapse you tell me where i wasn't speaking clear english Thomas Kopczynski • u can send shots but am multitasking rn You • yeah do your thing gonna be alot of screenshots but ironically, screenshots of the same thing cuz i kept repeating myself Thomas Kopczynski • ok i read thru You • like my exact first response to her question Thomas Kopczynski • i see yur point You • was the solution we started chasing after an issue that didnt exist we tied our motivation to a problem and when there wasnt a problem we created one??? not productive! Thomas Kopczynski • y didnt she just clear the db You • story of my life idk this is the cover eyes with hand i was talking about then in standup i get name dropped like first validate before that i look like a jerk consistently correcting ppl Thomas Kopczynski • lol i would just be like just cleaer the db, will be resolved like that ios straight fwd y she go sideways? You • LOL sideways thats hilarious new Thomas Kopczynski • it might just be a skill thing? or personality thing You • if i was a different figure she wouldve listened from the jump but im just some 22 yo with a loud mouth i promise you the whole team mentions im young lmao i got alot to learn like nah i got 10 years and have projects with a digital footprint when i said that to my supervisor hes like we say that but proof is in the pudding man i have the pudding! just look! been saying that since negotiation sg5 my butt i have a personal assistant hired outside of ford rn i have staff for my projects that make money that maintain it Thomas Kopczynski • lol